Real talk to close out May.
We’ve spent this whole month talking about identity, worthiness, outgrowing old versions of ourselves, and blowing up the myth that you need to have it all figured out. And now we need to be honest with you about something.
We still slide back. All the time.
Into old patterns. Old roles. Old ways of measuring ourselves that we thought we’d moved past.
And so, probably, do you. So let’s talk about what to do with that.
This Month on Chasing Brighter
This is the final week of our identity and expectations series — and if you’ve been following along, you’ve already covered a lot of ground. Week one was the identity shift — the slow drift of becoming someone new. Week #2 was unconditional worthiness and learning to separate who you are from what you produce. Week three was blowing up the having-it-all myth and giving yourself permission to live in seasons.
This week is different. No framework. No research-backed three-step process. Just two sisters who are genuinely still figuring it out — sharing what that actually looks like. Because we think that might be the most useful thing we can offer.
The Slide Back Is Not Failure
Here’s what nobody tells you about personal growth: it’s not linear. You don’t learn a lesson once and then move on, healed and upgraded. You learn it. You live it for a while. And then one Tuesday at 2 p.m., you catch yourself right back in the old pattern — the one you were sure you’d outgrown.
Jessica caught herself recently linking her worth to her output again. A slow week at the practice. The familiar math: fewer sessions = less value = who even am I? She knows that equation isn’t true. She’s done years of work dismantling it. And it still showed up.
Kelly caught herself in the people-pleasing pattern she’s worked hard to rewire. She made a decision that mattered to her — a real one — and her first instinct wasn’t to check if it was right for her. It was to check if everyone else was okay with it. Not is this my decision? but is everyone comfortable?
She caught it. She sat with it. She made herself stay with her own answer before going looking for permission from anyone else.
She didn’t do it perfectly. But she did it.
And that’s the whole point.
The Noticing Is the Skill
Here’s what Kelly said that reframed everything: the work isn’t about never sliding back. It’s about how quickly you notice.
Six years ago, Jessica probably wouldn’t have caught the worth-to-output spiral as fast. The pattern would have run for weeks before she saw it. Now she catches it in days. Sometimes hours.
That’s the progress. Not perfection. The speed of the return.
Psychologists call this concept metacognition — the ability to observe your own thought patterns while they’re happening. Research on habit change shows that awareness is the single most important factor in interrupting automatic behaviors. You can’t catch yourself in a pattern you can’t see. And the more you practice noticing, the faster the noticing happens.
It’s not about never sliding. It’s about shortening the loop.
What to Do When You Catch Yourself
This is the part we wanted to leave you with — because sliding back is going to happen. For all of us. So the question isn’t how do I stop it? It’s what do I do when I catch it?
Three things that actually help:
Name it without judgment. “I’m in the old pattern right now” is enough. You don’t have to analyze why or fix it immediately. Just naming it breaks the automatic cycle and gives your prefrontal cortex a chance to come back online. Neuroimaging research shows that simply labeling a pattern activates the brain regions responsible for self-regulation — it’s the difference between being swept along and having a moment to choose.
Get curious instead of critical. Instead of “why am I doing this again?” try “what is this part of me needing right now?” That’s a much more useful question. Self-compassion research by Dr. Kristin Neff consistently shows that people who respond to setbacks with kindness recover faster and maintain better long-term consistency than those who respond with harsh self-criticism. Shame lengthens the comeback. Compassion shortens it.
Choose one small thing that’s genuinely yours. Not productive. Not for anyone else. Just one small act of being the person you’re becoming instead of the person you were. It doesn’t have to be dramatic. It just has to be real.
🎧 Listen to This Week’s Episode
This is the one where Jessica and Kelly share their actual “still figuring it out” moments — unscripted, unpolished, and honestly kind of reassuring. If you need permission to be a work in progress, this is the episode.
✨ Try This This Week
- Write down three words that describe who you are becoming. Not who you were. Not who you planned to be. Who you’re actually moving toward right now. Keep them somewhere you’ll see them.
- Follow one curiosity: Do one thing this week that’s purely about curiosity. Not ambition. Not productivity. Not for anyone else. Something you’re just interested in. One hour. One small yes to yourself.
- Practice the return: If you catch yourself in an old pattern this week, try the three-step response — name it, get curious, choose one small real thing. That’s the whole skill. And you just practiced it.